So I went to the gym today (shocker) when it was actually quite busy. I try to stay away from the gym at those times, but today I couldn't help it. So I went in, put my stuff in a locker, everything routine. I get a couple lifts in and head over to the leg press machine, and luckily, no one was on it. I take a couple plates off, and all of a sudden I see this meathead douche canoe sprint over to me (probably the only cardio he gets for the week, cause, my gains bro), and say, "Hey I'm not done here". Dude. You were HALFWAY across the weight room with dumbbells in your hand (and probably in your skull, too). So I roll my eyes and walk away and head to the squat rack to push a couple reps out. Suddenly this relatively attractive guy, kinda skinny, but not bad, walks up to me and starts talking to me WHILE I have earbuds in and I'm trying to get parallel with 135 lbs on my back (I know, light, but I need to have good form). Irritating enough, but THEN he asks if he can trade off with me. I say sure, whatever (thoroughly irritated at this point) and this guy makes a big show of squatting, face gets red, and only does... HALF a squat. And pretends like it's a full squat. This guy has NO chance. Later on, while I'm shooting around he tries to redeem himself by shooting with me and challenging me to a game of PIG, which quickly turned into HORSE, and then he tried to make it last to SUBMARINE. Wasn't having it. So I was inspired to create a list of the stereotypical 10 people I hate most at the gym, with my friend Sarah as a contributor (we complain about this constantly to each other).
WARNING: This is made in humor. If you find it offensive, you might be guilty of being one of these people. Lighten up.
10 People I Hate At The Gym
So those are just a few of the people I run into at the gym who irritate me. For the most part though, I really do enjoy my gym and the time I spend there. And like I said, if you read this and get offended, lighten up, it's Halloween :)
So remember, cardio, seatbelts, and a little sunscreen doesn't hurt. I'm Columbus, Ohio, and I'm out. (Zombieland)
WARNING: This is made in humor. If you find it offensive, you might be guilty of being one of these people. Lighten up.
10 People I Hate At The Gym
- The Weight Hoarders
Let's be serious. There is no way you need 3 sets of dumbbells that weight 15, 17.5, and 20 lbs. Man (or woman) up and up your weights and use 20s for your concentration and hammer curls. I promise the 2.5 weight increase won't kill you. - The "I Don't Know What Deodorant Is"
Here's the deal, folks. You need some deo for your b.o. PLEASE invest in a good stick of deodorant. If you don't look like Matthew Mcconaughey, you have no excuse to smell like that. I'll be the first to admit that I sweat like a man when I work out. Lady Speed Stick doesn't cut it for me, so I use Dove Men Sport or I will use Old Spice. I have no shame in smelling like how I imagine Matt Damon does (because no one that attractive can smell bad). - The LuluLovers
I love wearing bright neon spandex when I work out, this is true. And I have to coordinate my headband to my shorts and my shorts to my shirt. The women who irk me are the ones who do this and look like they should be on the front page of Oxygen magazine, and then do absolutely nothing. This isn't a fashion show, honey, so stop strutting like you're auditioning for Dolce and Gabanas latest runway and trot a couple laps around the track. - The Creepers
Ladies, we've all seen them. And guys, we aren't fooled. There are mirrors in the gym and they aren't just for checking our form. They're for us to figure out who is checking US out. So get your eyes off my keester and focus on building yours. - The Screamers
When I worked at my college's recreation center, there was a guy who would deadlift in his Vibram 5 Fingers, and he would do some pretty serious weight, I will give him props for that. And it is ok to grunt when you're really pushing yourself. But this guy sounded like he was either giving birth or climaxing, I'm not sure which. It was AWFUL. Whenever I saw him walk into the weight room, out I walked to the front desk to hide until he left so i wouldn't fall victim to his piercing shrieks. Drove me up the wall. I feel as though the half-squatters fall into this category as well, because they are usually the ones who are groaning so loud you think the dead have risen all around you. No, that's just a gym bro trying to go for weight over form. - The Impatient Ones
"Hey, are you almost done?"
I just got here, ass hat. "What set are you on?"
Well right now I'm on my first set, but I'm feeling pretty energetic, so I'm thinking I'll do 8 sets of 10 really light reps. - The Business Casuals
I understand if every once in awhile you forget your gym clothes and don't have time to run home and grab them. But when you are in jeans and a polo every single day, it's time to invest in a pair of basketball shorts. There is no way you are getting in a decent workout. - The Sock People
I hate feet. So much. I don't even like looking at my own, I sleep with socks on. That does not mean that I want to see your janky-ass yellow socks sweating through onto the ground, spreading your gross pedi-fungus to the weight room floor. Don't get me wrong, if you are squatting or deadlifting 500 lbs+ like one of my buddies does, then go right ahead. I can't say anything against that. But if you only have one set of plates on either side of your barbell, put some converse on. - The Cell Phone Addicts
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I take the occasional (ok, frequent) gym selfie. I'll answer a text every once in awhile in between sets. But you are at the gym to get better, right? What good is being glued to your phone the entire time? That does nothing for your gains! Your phone is good for two things: Music, and recording your lifts. The social call can wait. - The Nudists
I don't know about the men's locker room, but I now in the women's locker room I run about a 90% chance of running into someone naked. And they are almost always older. I don't know if at their age they just don't care anymore, but I care. I'm already insecure about my own body, I don't need to also worry about running into someone's naked self when I turn a corner. There are things called towels that are pretty handy to cover things up. I mean, I would be cold if I didn't have a stitch of clothing on! These women must be like reptiles or something, because if I were to cavort around the locker room with nothing on but my birthday suit, I would become a Kyle-cicle.
So those are just a few of the people I run into at the gym who irritate me. For the most part though, I really do enjoy my gym and the time I spend there. And like I said, if you read this and get offended, lighten up, it's Halloween :)
So remember, cardio, seatbelts, and a little sunscreen doesn't hurt. I'm Columbus, Ohio, and I'm out. (Zombieland)