So I realize that I have seriously been slacking on the blog lately. And when I say "slacking" I mean, "haven't written anything since November" slacking. I opened my Weebly app today and realized that even with the serious lack of postings, I have had over 1300 unique readers. WHAT. That is crazy to me! Over a THOUSAND people have viewed my blog, and I haven't been paying any attention to it. Pitiful.
I would make excuses as to why I haven't been keeping up, like getting a new job, working 50 hours a week, commuting another 15 hours for work and the gym, or moving to a completely different city (PITTSBURGH), but honestly, I just have been too lazy to commit to writing anything meaningful. So now that my life is finally starting to maintain a pattern, I guess it's time to start tapping away at my keyboard again. Today's post will be a little all over the place, but I have a lot to cover.
The bikini competition I wanted to do? That's been pushed from May to August/September. From a financial and emotional standpoint it was the right move for me. I've decided to do the majority of my prep on my own and then the last 8 weeks to hire a trainer to help me fine tune everything. I'm also starting CrossFit in May. I'm super excited to get going with it! My diet has been pretty locked down. I've been doing IIFYM and love it. Since January I've dropped from a 12 to a 8/10. At 6" I'm stoked about that, but also disappointed that my choices in jeans have now decreased even more due to the whole "my legs are 3" long and my waist is too small so I look like I'm constantly ready for a flood" deal.
While I am making strides towards my goals, I've also realized how hard it is to maintain this lifestyle. My family doesn't always understand what I'm doubg, and I've lost a few friends as well from it. My habits may seem a little obsessive, but I'm not interested in smoking weed and partying all the time. I like how working out feels. I love seeing how I can challenge myself and my body to do things I never would have imagined. I've learned that if I can motivate myself and use the high level of self control in this aspect that I can do it in all areas of my life. I've pushed myself harder than I ever have in my career because of it. The potential and possibilities that open up in my life have come because I changed my perspective. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it impossible. I've gained so much more respect for myself as a result.
I definitely have had my setbacks. It's been two years since I've lost the majority of my weight and yet I still feel like a big girl.
I see pictures of myself and still think I look like that girl in the middle picture. Not the ones bordering it. And sometimes people who knew me when I was that size make convents about it too. About me being "large" well guess what, I am almost 6 feet tall and I wear a size medium and on good days, a small. At that height. So in no way shape or form am I a "large", so that's a big "fuck you" to people who think that. Sometimes I think I need to be told that. Truth be told, if you are successful, there are going to be people who dislike what you are doing and to them, "once a fat girl, always a fat girl". If you notice, most successful people don't really hate on people who are doing well, because they already are successful! The majority of people who try to bring you down do so because they are jealous and don't want to see someone else do what they can't.
The way I see it, yeah, I was fat. I can change that. Know what most people can't change? A shitty personality.